Critiques and Reviews

Here is a collection of critiques and reviews I received for the assignment.

Matt-My friend, who is a true gamer:

Yo,

OK, so I perrused the files you sent me, and I am not really sure what it is that you want from me, so I'll tell you some things I noticed, some things that need fixing and add a few oppinions and hopefully you'll have gotten what you need.

#1: The mission statement is actually really good. You kept it short and sweet, which, given how long attentions spans are these days, is a bonus. One comment: use of the word gaming for families is unessisary. Draw everyone in. Make this statement for ALL families and ALL friends. Take out the word gaming, and you take in everyone (not just the gamers).

#2: You font logo's and colors are good. Contrasting lights and darks always shows coordination. A more medevil font I think would be really cool, but that's just a oppinion. The huge rating sign is going to hurt your game though. You don't need to tell everyone about everything the game entails. Leave it as a surprise for them. I have witnessed first hand at how mild mannered the game is so I wouldn't go putting it in peoples minds that this game was designed by "Green Bunny" by giving them this huge list of "heres-the-badness-you-can-expect-from-this-box". Rate it E10; leave the list of spoilers behind.

#3: Love the mood photos. They're great- no notes there.

#4: The Character illustrations page ... mixed feelings. Some of those designs need a lot of work. Some don't. I'd have to tell you specifically. If you're gearing this for kids (5-10 years), then they work just fine But for any audiences older than that, you're going to need to sharpen them up a bit and give them a much grittier and adult image.

#5: I like the Dragon Mobile, but what does that have to do with anything. I was a little confused about that? Don't get me wrong it's cool. I want a car like that, but it semmed more than a little out of place with all the Elves, Lichs and Barbarians.

#6: You're commercial for Realm Warfare was actually pretty watchable. You just need to sharpen those images up. Oh, and loose the yellow guy (the guy with all the hair. He's out of place somehow). Do that and you've really got something. Something I'd watch anyway and say, "hm, I wonder if Black Fire has this game in?"

CLOSE: To hammer the nail in, I have played your game before and I know it's great fun (especially for large groups) and would definitely sell. Your presentation- word wise- is pretty on the ball. You just need to be a little more discrete. The big thing that I have to say (as a professional) is that your imagery and drawings still need some work. You need to sharpen your commercial images up (the musical under score was pretty cool too BTW), and get that yellow haired dud fixed. You need a better image of that guy to fix the web spot.

Other wise it looks pretty good. Times a good as it was when I first saw what you ha dgoing for this.

So, a little more fine tuning and you're there.

Thats all I have.

Peace.

Squid- Matthew Moody (Age 32)


Cami-my sister, who is a mother:

Mission statement.
I think the statement is too long. Be careful grammer and spelling
mistakes, any mistakes will put people off, especially investors. You
want to be as professional as possible. Also, you can't claim to be the
"only" games to encourage family communication, just playing together does
that. But, I do like the colors and the lettering. Center the last four
lines.

Logo.
I love the colors. I am a little confused about the wizard's arm. How
does it connect to his body? I love the magical swoosh that dots the "i".
As a mom though, the rating box seems a little overwhelming. All that
violence, blood, alcohol etc. would make me choose another game. I know
you have to have it, but you should make the rating box much smaller, and
the wizard logo much bigger. Emphasize the positive, de-emphasize the
negative.

Mood photos.
We love anime. But can you find some that look more medievil? What does
the girl have to do with anything? These picture just don't seem to go
with the game.

Illustrations.
I like most of them, but I don't like the arrangement. I would prefer to
see a random placement rather than the characters lined up like a research
paper. The red dragon is awsome, the giant and green snake need more
texture and detail, unless it's just so fine that I can't see it, if that
is the case, it needs to be bolder.

Vehicle Wrap
Cool. Just make it bigger to take up some of the negative space in the
bottom right hand corner. I like the way the windshield is so transparent.
Good job.

Billboard.
Put the dragon and knight together! And the spelling you are looking for
is "role" not "roll." Another grammer thing that will loose the sale! I
like the "It's now child's play" phrase, but make it a tiny bit smaller
and increase the size of the logo.

Great work, Kerr! I can tell you've put a lot of work into this. Ken and
I discussed your work and he agrees with me and also with Cameron's
comments. Love you!

Cami Jensen (age 40)


Anna-my mom, who is a grandmother:

The first frame is well balanced and the words and the logo for this are really well done. They are artistic and very pleasing to look at. The positive statement is also well written, except the claim that it is the 'only' table top game is not really true. There are other games that parents can enjoy with their children. So, I recommend it be rewritten with a positive claim but not to the exclusion of all others.

The second frame is well done with an interesting color scheme and font.

The third frame has some great mood pictures. Each of them connote a setting and mood that is very individual and interesting.

The fourth frame is also very interesting with its great variety of different characters. They give thought to a lot of creative ideas.

The fifth frame with the truck is very creative and so fun to see. The texture and the character of the truck are very unique and makes one excited to see the truck go into action.

The sixth frame is a bit confusing with the words crossed out and the red letters, which are difficult to see, written in over the top of them. I really like the logo and the dragon they balance each other very well but the character in the middle is too big to blend in with the other pictures and appears out of place.


Jeff-a neighbor, who is a father:

Kerry,

I'm not sure exactly what you are looking for in terms of a critique but I'll give you my thoughts and hope that it works for your purposes.

The missions statement is a bit confusing. I like the idea of more communication between players, but I'm not sure how video games fits in. Many videos games allow text and even voice communication between players. Also it seems that all table-top games have an element of communication that is inherent in them.

I like the logo. It seems very friendly to families and younger audiences. Nice choice. I also like the logo type. It fits the genre and is readable. I couldn't read the text in the small circles. I'm not sure how they fit into the presentation. The rating seems appropriate for the rebranding you are trying to do.

The mood photos seem to fit the new brand. They would be engaging to the younger audience and seem to fit the genre well.

The character illustrations seem to fit also. They are appropriate for a younger audiences and engaging while not being overly scary.

I'm not sure how the vehicle wrap fits in. It seemed over-the-top if it was for an actual vehicle and didn't seem to fit the audience you are target.

I hope this helps.

Jeff


Brian-my friend, who is a graduated artist:

Going from the top, down.

• PRESENTATION MISSION STATEMENT 3
I didn't read that it was a Mission Statement until the third time I read the statement itself.
A Mission Statement should be more about the ongoing intent of the company rather than a commentary on modern social practices relative to the company's products and services.
* I found a misspelling of the word PRECEDENCE.
* If you're satisfied with the wording as it is, I would only suggest, instead of "The only table-top games...", consider "Providing table-top games...".

• PRESENTATION LOGO, FONT, COLORS, AND TARGET AUDIENCE 3
* Logo - I'm not keen on the design of the Wizard, but I like the banner/title.
* Font - The font in the logo doesn't match the font stating what the font is.
* Colors - I like the colors you chose, but the black (charcoal gray) in the logo doesn't match the black in the circle (background) displaying the RGB/CMYK.
* Target Audience - RED FLAG! That rating doesn't speak "family" to me. I know there isn't anything you can do about the game content, but your marketing techniques should reflect that--especially your Mission Statement.

• PRESENTATION MOOD PHOTOS 3
Am I being nit-picky? I recognize that the photos represent the TYPE of game that it is (fantasy), but I didn't get any "mood" out of it. Perhaps I just don't understand this aspect of the assignment.

• PRESENTATION CHARACTER ILLUSTRATIONS 3
It's impressive that you were able to use your own art work for this part of the assignment--I think that could/should get you extra credit. A more professional look, however, might be to "cartoon-ize" some existing characters from movies using Photoshop or Illustrator.

• PRESENTATION VEHICLE DESIGN 3
I like the concept, but some aspects aren't very practical (ie. the wings and the nostrils).
A few things you may want to take the time to fix:
* It looked like you used a stone wall as the scales. Use your Transform: Warp tool to make it look like it actually wraps around the vehicle.
* There's lots of negative space. Enlarge the vehicle OR... show the wrap on another vehicle such as the Nissan Cube or the VW Bug.
* Show how the wings and nostrils could work as part of the wrap if they couldn't be added to the vehicle.

• PRESENTATION BILLBOARD DESIGN
I'm sorry, I'm out of time so I'm going to be very curt about this one.
It looks lazy. I think you should scrap it and start over.

Got to run. If you have any questions about my review I'll discuss any and all of it with you whenever you like.


- Brian Sheets


Donna-my wife, who is an accomplished artist

Kerr,

The color scheme is very nice. The arching of the text helps to bring your eye full circle and keeps your attention on on the title. The characters are fun, and I like how they range in both size and species - not everyone wants to be a human or humanoid all the time. I love the dragon truck! I would totally drive that around town! Does it breath fire?

I don't really understand the collage of anime pictures, (it seems almost out of place, like it doesn't belong with your other cute pictures) but over all, I think you have executed your purpose.

-Donna Murdock - age 31


Nathan-my friend, who is also a game designer:

Mission Statement
It is not very concise. I would have done something like. "Bringing, adventure, imagination and strategic thought to the gaming table since 1992."


Cameron-my best life-time friend, who is an accomplished businessman and fan of my game "Realm Warfare":

Mission Statement:

My thought is that a mission statement is written primarily to guide the employees and stock holders of the company about the goals of organization. It should give direction and help formulate the strategy of the company. With this in mind, I think this statement sounds too much like a sales pitch to me. Also, its a bit wordy in my opinion.

Fonts & Colors

I like the colors, the purple and yellow both seem very wizardly, nice. I'm not sure what happened to the wizard's arm on this picture (maybe he has an invisibility cloak draped over his arm. LOL). I think the font is nice as well, and I like the old world style of the font. I'm not sure I like the all caps style in the mission statement, but that’s more of a personal preference, its harder to read in my opinion.

As for the target audience, I think you are going down the right track trying to opening it up to all audiences, but I wonder if you considered that by making things a little too friendly for the family crown you may alienate your existing clientele (teenagers and young adults). Just a thought.

Mood Board Photos

Dragon picture is nice, I'm not sure if the Japanese animation really matches with your wizard and the purple and yellow colors. I would recommend sticking with the old world style, knights, Merlin, castles, etc seem to fit better than some of these pictures.

Illustrations

I like the character illustrations. My favorites from the top left to the bottom right are: purple wizard, archer, medusa lady, blue dragon, knight in armor, snake, marsh monster, red dragon, scorpion, death, feral dog (really cool) and the minotaur. Some of the others I had a hard time seeing, and I increased the magnification on my browser to 200%.

Vehicle Wrap

All I can say is TOTALLY AWESOME!!!!

Billboard

Billboards are tricky. I often find myself critiquing them as I drive by. Two things that are commonly done wrong on billboards in my opinion: 1. They are too difficult to read or understand. 2. Not interesting enough, and it doesn't get you to remember what was said.

In my opinion you have too much on this billboard. Also, how is this going to drive people to buy your product (no web address to visit, and or no memorable statement that will make me want to look up the product online or at the store.)

Since you have a company that 95% of the world has probably never heard of before you have a very difficult task. My personal opinion would be, do a billboard that grabs peoples attention, and gets them asking, what was that about, so they research it further. When they go to a web site, then they can learn about how these games are family friendly. But I would try to make it look cool and desirable, and not worry about telling the story of what the company is all about on the billboard. Just my opinion. Enjoy!

Diane-My sister in law, who is an accomplished accountant

Kerry,

I liked all of your drawings. They were bright, colorful and eye-catching. If I were looking through a magazine or catalog and saw these, I would read a little more about the product. I also think that your logo is cool and also eye-catching. I am no artist by any means and just an ordinary person, but these would definately make me want to look into the company and the product that they are selling. I don't know what the people in your class are looking for, but I think they are being way to critical of your work. I think these are great and I'm not just saying that because you are my brother-in-law. Take care, Diane.